Thinking Of You

It's starting to pull me under, I can feel it beneath my feet.
The last few months have passed so slowly
and it's been so long since I've seen your smile.
I'm afraid to ask what's wrong so I sit and stare
frustrated digging my nails into my palms.

I never wanted you to see me like that.
Bloodshot eyes, bleeding fists, speechless love, a new year's wish.
I never wanted you to see me reenact those days I threw away.

Stuttered screams from a distant voice:
I followed you all the way to your front door.
No words could take the pain from your eyes
like a knife through the heart.
I'll be sleeping alone tonight;
and when I wake you won't see me again,
you won't have to worry about me anymore.
I'm sorry for all the times I fucked up,
I'm sorry for every time I let you down.
You always said it was hard to talk and I guess it always was.
But it still feels the same, I still feel the same.
The only difference is you're not there.

I brought this on myself: you're not there.
When I need you the most, you're not there.
And I can't stop thinking of you.